Thursday, November 5, 2009

Epic Failures: Sandra Lee and my Pumpkin Tenders

This is a quote from Anthony Bourdain on Sandra Lee:

"She makes her audience feel good about themselves. You watch her on that show and you think, "I can do that. That's not intimidating." All you have to do is waddle into the kitchen, open a can of crap and spread it on some other crap that you bought at the supermarket. And then you've done something really special. The most terrifying thing I've seen is her making a Kwanzaa cake. Watch that clip and tell me your eyeballs don't burst into flames. It's a war crime on television. You'll scream."

This quote made my day. Thank you Valentine for finding it. For some unexplainable reason, this woman grates on my nerves more than an orange zester in Florida on Thanksgiving. Her booze soaked show is an insult to those who actually LIKE to cook. Opening cans and slapping some ugly pastel frosting in a ziplock bag does not equal COOKING. You think I'm kidding? The proof is in the pudding (aka Youtube).

Having said that, I must admit that the best cooks have failures. Things don't always come together working from scratch. Which is something Sandra Box-A-Lots-LEE will never understand. It's really hard to mess something up when you are dumping it from a box and adding water. Take cooking classes from EASY BAKE OVEN does not qualify you for your own Food Network show (there is a conspiracy here, I'm sure of it. BJ Queen anyone?)Sorry MOM, I know you like her and my rudeness is in no way a reflection of your upbringing. I learned it all on my own. *wink*

I also must admit that even I have failures in the kitchen. GASP. That hurt to admit. LOL My attempt at Pumpkin Cookies did not turn out well. They came out little pumpkin Cake blobs. Nice taste. Terrible texture for a cookie. Lumpy Pancakes would be a better description. They were also resembling Chicken tenders which does not bode well for their aesthetic appeal. Fortunately, the guys at work whom I adore dearly and are always ready to be my guinea pigs, scarfed them down. (I think they were truly afraid to offend me in case I didn't bring more goodies...its okay..I know ya'll are bald faced liars and I love you for it.) They did however get dubbed "Pumpkin Tenders". Sigh. Back to the drawing board. Here is the recipe for those of you brave enough to try altering it to get a better version. Happy Experimenting!

Pumpkin Tenders (okay okay Cookie Blobs if you prefer)

Ingredients:
1/2 cup Butter, room temperature
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup honey
1 tbs maple syrup
1 egg
1 cup pumpkin puree
2 cups self-rising flour (or all purpose flour plus 1tsp baking soda)
1 1/2 tsps cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 cup milk

Directions:
IN a large mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in honey, syrup and egg. Stir in pumpkin. In another bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Stir flour misture into the creamed misture. Add the milk.

Drop dough onto greased baking sheet. Bake at 375 for about 10-12 minutes. Do not overcook because bottom will burn, so watch them closely to get the timing. Cool on sheets for a minute or two then move to cooling racks.

1 comment:

Valentine said...

This post made me LOL. Sandra Lee really does some terrifying things with food. I can tell from your posts though that you are a great cook...you almost make me want to try pumpkin blobs!